TrOuBlE BuBbLe (",): April, 2006

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April 24

Silly II

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Silly I (for those who've not read part I)

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I still feel so silly

I still feel like a fool

I still lie in the thought pot

I still wonder at the pool.

I still wonder at the pool

I dunno if I'd ever scream

I wonder how I'm bearing

the heat of the steam.

The heat of the steam

that's intensifying with each passing day

I'm waiting for the pot to burst

I'm waiting to find a way.

I'm waiting to find a way

outta the thought pot

I wonder if I'd stroll out

I wonder if I'd trot.

I wonder if I'd trot

and end up in another pool

I wonder at this thoughtfulness

and the thoughtful journey of a fool.

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April 21

Silly I

I feel so silly

I feel like a fool

I wonder why I wonder

I wonder at my thought pool.

I wonder at my thought pool

I swim in and out of it

I feel that I'd drown some day, but

I guess I'm just floating a bit.

I guess I'm just floating a bit

but I'm aware that I'm not

and although I'm aware, yet

I stay in this thought pot.

I stay in this thought pot

the pot that's letting out steam

I wonder if it's gonna burst

I wonder if I'd scream.

I wonder if I'd scream

cuz' I can feel the heat

I wonder if I'd just sit here

or if I'd beat a retreat.

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April 19

Note: This entry is the closest to my heart and the longest one as well. Please be patient while you read it and ensure that you read it from top to bottom. And if you think that you're not patient enough, don't even bother to start. I don't mean to be rude. :)

It was a dark night,
darker than her black hair,
and she,
the apple of his eyes,
was curled up high,
on his strong shoulders,
with her arms entwined around his neck,
and her face hidden in his chest.

The breeze was cool
and it filtered through
her hair, and his.
His mystic eyes
looked at her glowing face,
she, who's eyes were happy
and twinkling,
cuz' it was her third birthday.

He looked at her for a while
and then gazed at the sky above,
the sky, which was black,
like her hair and his eyes.
The chill in the february air
and the chill of the dark night
readied to unfold,
a chilly dark mystery.

She, unaware of the dark,
and unaware of the mysteries,
played with his hair,
and, her innocent eyes,
looked everywhere.
He motioned up with his finger,
to where a star was twinkling,
a silver spot in the dark sky.

She twinkled at the sight
of the twinkling one,
amazed and curious,
and then she looked at him,
his mystic eyes,
and the mystic lips,
that were ready to unfold
a mystery, unknown and unheard.

Look at that star sweetheart,
the only one who has fought apart,
the darkness of the sky,
and the veils of the clouds,
the only one that has managed to twinkle,
the only one that has dared to shine,
the one that'd shine for some more time,
till the time it falls apart.

She stared at the star
and then she looked at him.
She was too innocent to understand
the mystery within,
the mystery that he'd started to unfold,
the mystery that was too mystic,
to mystify her.
She looked at the star and then looked at him.

Just ten more days honey
and this star will fall
cuz' it'd be time then
for it to leave its niche,
its fellow stars, its so-called friends,
the moon and the sun, its parents,
and thousands of others, known and unknown,
it'd have to leave them all.

She looked at him,
and then looked at the star,
she wondered as he pulled her closer,
she wondered at the drop in his eye,
but she was happy and still unaware
of his mysteries and the star's.
She thought about the gifts she'd received,
she, the unaware, again looked at the star.

But this star, my apple,
will always be there
with you, hidden from everyone's eyes
it'd give you the courage to fight the dark,
and help you shrug the troubles apart.
It'd give you the strength
to endure the pains, cuz' honey,
it's no bed of roses ahead on your way.

She blinked as if she understood
what lay ahead for her,
but she was still unaware,
of his mystery and the star's.
She still wondered on what he'd unveiled
and she twinkled at the star again.

She mumbled "Dad",
and hid herself in his chest again.

He sighed and closed his eyes
as he knew what lay ahead.
Ten days and the star would be gone,
and it'd leave behind the apple alone.
She, who'd be left alone, yet not alone,
cuz' he, the star, would be around his apple,
hidden yet present,
non-existing yet existent.

Ten days passed and the star fell,
and she, still unaware of the mystery,
wondered about where her dad went.
She felt like an apple who'd fallen from a tree,
the only apple who used to hang from the tree.
But now, she knows and she's aware
cuz' she struggled through and knows that he's been there,
he, who was and is, her only STAR.

For you Dad,

I love you. You're my STAR.

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April 17

I wonder about him who wanders...

I see him almost daily near the bus stop where my office cab drops me. He's an old man, very old, who's body seems weak enough to carry the tattered clothing that hangs carelessly from his thin shoulders. A pair of black-rimmed thick spectacles sit on his nose and he always seems to be concentrating hard on things from behind them.

He walks slowly but aimlessly, carrying a tray-like thing, which hangs from his neck, onto his tummy. On the tray, there are packets of peanuts, popcorns, and other munchies. Along with these items, a few coins lie in a corner of the tray, signifying his daily earnings. One can actually count those coins, like I did once, unknowingly. They were nine bucks.

I deliberately stood at the bus stop the other day, waiting for him to come. He did, after a couple of minutes, again walking aimlessly, and concentrating hard. He looked quite tired and I wanted him to sit for a while at the bus stop. He slowed down a bit and stopped near the juice shop. I was constantly looking at him, his clothes, his spectacles, and his hands. His hands and his face looked so similar; dark and wrinkled, with the green veins trying to pop out of the skin. My brows twisted as I thought of something and then they eased as I saw him coming towards the bus stop.

He climbed up the step of the stop, slowly and concentrating hard on it, and supporting the tray that was almost bending his neck. I was watching. He then removed the tray of munchies, placed it on the floor, and sat down. He looked like a sine curve, with his hands resting on the two crests, his knees. I kept looking at him and he kept looking in the opposite direction, not concentrating anymore. He was looking at something, which wasn't there. Or was he waiting for someone who's wasn't going to come? I couldn't figure it out. I stood like that, watching him, for about an hour. He kept sitting like that, motionless and aimless, still waiting for someone who's not going to come, or looking at something that wasn't there. I moved a step forward towards him. May be someone's going to come and add another couple of bucks to the six bucks that I'd counted while I was standing.

"Dada, can I have a packet of peanuts please?", I asked him as I moved in the direction where he was looking, to catch his attention. He looked up, adjusted his spectacles, squinted a bit, picked up a packet of peanuts from his tray, and gave it to me. I looked at his hands again, which were trembling a bit. I took the packet and touched his hand slightly; a touch that said, "Thank you!".

I fished out four bucks from my wallet and handed it over to him. "Two bucks only", he said in bengali, returning two bucks to me. "Keep it Dada", I said and bent down to pick up another packet of peanuts from his tray. As I moved back up, I gave him a smile. I got a faint smile in return. It seemed as if his lips were trying hard enough to draw a smile on his face; seemed as if it's been ages that they did so. I moved a bit away and rested my back on one of the poles of the bus stop.

As I stood there, popping the peanuts in, I watched him keep the four bucks along with the other six. I watched him as he counted them till ten. He looked content and then he looked here and there for some time. He was neither concentrating nor he was looking in to the oblivion. It was just a content look and I was happy watching him.

After some time, he collected the ten bucks and tied them properly in a piece of cloth, which looked like a handkerchief. He stood up as he slipped the money in his pocket. His legs were shaking a bit; legs that were too weak to carry his body and the tattered clothing. He lifted the tray, put it around his neck, and started moving. I stood up straight, adjusted my bag, and watched him leaving.

I watched him cross the road, adjusting the tray on his tummy, adjusting his spectacles, and drifting away slowly from my sight. I watched him till the time he crossed and I lost his sight. I kept watching the invisible trails that he'd left behind.

Is he going home? Does he have a wife at home who'd cook dinner for him? Or would he buy food for himself? Does he have children? No, if he had children, then they wouldn't have let him go out like this. Or may be he has but they don't stay with him. Does he have someone to talk to? Someone who'd make tea for him? Would he have enough money to buy a new pair of clothes for himself? How long would he continue like this? How long? I wondered.

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April 13

I beg you, O honey

I beg you
O honey, I promise I'll give in
But please don't kill
the painter within
The painter who's painted you
out and in
The painter who's colored
the grays of my sin.

I beg you
O honey, I promise I'll give in
But please don't strangulate
the nightingale within
The nightingale who's sung for you
out and in
The nightingale who's sung away
the blues from under my chin.

I beg you
O honey, I promise I'll give in
But please don't pluck
the flower within
The flower who's blossomed
out and in
The flower who's fragrance
is wavering under my skin.

I beg you
O honey, I promise I'll give in
But please don't blow out
the candle within
The candle who's flame has danced

out and in
The candle who's shown me the path
to the door of your inn.

I beg you
O honey, I promise I'll give in
I swear by the painter,
the nightingale, the flower,
and the candle within.
I promise I'll give in, O honey,
let me sit at the door of your heart
and I'd sit there till you let me in.

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April 11

Waiting for a REBIRTH

The fire that you've lit within
has risen to the heights,
and now,
I'll let it burn me.

I'll let it burn the crimson heart,
that pumps love every millisecond,
and blacken it.
I'll let it burn the arteries and the veins,
that carry the pumped one all over,
and block them.
I'll let it burn the lungs that inhale
your love with every atom of the oxygen,
and choke them.
I'll let it burn the muscles,
that quiver on the name of you honey,
and ache them.
I'll let it burn the brain,
that juggles between crap and your thoughts,
and peace it out.

I'll let them burn,
and I'll burn them all,
to ashes, and then,
I'll let those gray particles fly.
They're gonna fly high,
smelling you, and reach
where you are.

And then, they're gonna spread around you,
the heart, the veins,
the lungs, the muscles, and the brain.
They'd make you realize,
the intensity of my love, and the power of it.
Cuz your fire burnt them all,
top to bottom, the out and the in,
but it couldn't dare touch
the love within.

The love that'd lead them, and
make them reach you,
the love that has always blossomed
and the love that'll be.
The love that I'd send
wrapped in the ashes,
the love that's gonna bring
you to me,

YOU, who'd give me

a REBIRTH.

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April 08

Pissed off...

I'm pissed off.
Pissed off with myself.
Pissed off with the way I think.
Pissed off with the things I do.
Pissed off with the things I know I shouldn't do and I still do.
Pissed off with the way I behave.
Pissed off with the emotional fool that sits inside me.
Pissed off with the way I love people.
Pissed off with the things that I do in love.
Pissed off with my expectations.
Pissed off with my tendency of expecting things all the time.
Pissed off with my tendency of getting jealous.

Pissed off with the killer feeling that I get when I'm jealous.
Pissed off with my tendency of demanding explanations.
Pissed off with my heart and my brain. that work overtime.
Pissed off with my body.
Pissed off with my hair.
Pissed off with everyone.
Pissed off with just EVERYONE & EVERYTHING!

I know I know it'd be fine but it can't help coming back to me!

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Edit:

Thought of putting up something that goes with my pissed off entry. So here it is..

Well, don't I look like this after getting pissed and pissing others off? :|

Ugghh.. too much of the pisses I guess! Lemme go back, come outta the pissed off mode, and come back...

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April 06

The Tale of Mr. Lizard

It was 12 am. My roomamate(Nidya) and I were wide awake. Why? See what happened..

After having dinner and finishing our routine stuff (cleansing, scrubbing, putting the night cream, the under-eye gel etc etc), just when we were about to lie on our cots, we saw a BIG FAT lizard enjoying its dinner (the mosquitoes) on the wall behind the cots. We sprung back in horror and Nidya did an EEEEEEEEEE!!

Nid> Ugghh! Mr. Lizard (Nid assumes that it is a "he") is here again!
Div> Yeaa! *staring at the lizard in horror* Lemme shoo it away (I tried to be courageous)

I climbed on one of the cots and did a Shoo! Shoooooo!, waving my hand in a shoooing motion. Mr. Lizard moved a bit and shifted to a place just above the tubelight. I gave a *look I'm so brave* smile :D and came down.

Nid> Wow Divi, you did it!
Div> *Grinning* yea!
Nid> Kno wot, back home, we don't have such big lizards. They're the domestic ones, which are smaller in size..
Div> Hmm.. *trying to imagine wht domestic lizards look like*

Nid> This looks likes more of a garden lizard.. it's so big! big feet, big head!
Div> Yea! *standing like a kid and imagining how big a garden lizard would be*
Nid> This looks like a cross between a garden lizard and a domestic lizard.. The domestic one must have run away frm home and have had sex with the garden lizard *giggle*
Div> hehee :D

Mr. Lizard comes back to its original place and starts gulping the mosquitoes again.

Nid> No! I guess the garden lizard must've raped the domestic one.. and this thing wud have been born then..
Div> Huh? *giggle*
Nid> Ya.. that's why he's so inconsiderate.. Not letting us sleep and not going away frm here :|
Div> Ye.. dunno how much it's gonna eat!
Nid> He's an over-eater!
Div> *giggles* Awrite, lemme try again..

I picked up one of our stuffed toyz, a doggie, climbed on the bed again and did a Shooo, wiggling the doggie at Mr. Lizard. I guess it got scared bcuz it hopped and jumped and wiggled, and landed quite far on the wall.. its wiggly motion scared the hell outta me and I jumped back!

Div> Mummmmyyyy!!
Nid> Ammaaa!! *runs outta the room, crash lands in the opposite room, switches on all the lights of the room, and stands there with hands folded and the chin resting on them*
Div> *follows Nid* Oh Nid! Come back.. wht're u doing here? Dont be so scared! *look who's talking!*

We came back to our room and started giggling on how we got scared of it. Mr. Lizard, in the meantime, wiggled back to its original place looking for more mosquitoes.

Nid> Uh oh! Now wot? :-s
Div> Oki.. lemme try again.. *I pick up the doggie*
Nid> Nooooo.. not with that doggie plzz!
Div> Lol.. oki! :D
Nid> Back home, my uncle has a gun with which he shoots the lizards..
Div> Eeeek! Does blood come out when the lizard gets shot??
Nid> Dunno! I never saw blood but I've seen him shooting them..
Div> Hmmm.. *thinking* and what does he do with their dead bodies??
Nid> Shick Shick and Shoo.. *making a gesture of collecting the garbage and throwing it away*
Div> Hmmm..
Nid> Look, he's staring at us as if we've done something bad to it!
Div> Hmmmmm :P
Nid> Ok.. I dont think Mr. Lizard is gonna go so lets pull our cots away frm the wall and sleep with our heads on the other side..
Div> Hmm, lets do that..

Both of us pull our cots away frm that wall, looking at Mr. Lizard frm the corner of our eyes and get ready to sleep.. Nid switched off the light and we tried to sleep.. zzzz... <BANG> I turned around and Nid held my hand..

Nid> Oh Divi! Did I hear a bang?
Div> Yea, I guess.. *I saw that the wind has pushed open our balcony door* It's the door.. dont worry :D
Nid> Ugghh.. lemme close it..
Div> *giggles* So u thot that Mr. Lizard fell on your bed right :D?
Nid> Yea!
Div> Even I thot so *giggle*
Nid> Oki.. stop giggling and sleep now!
Div> Okii.. *giggle*

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

We wake up in the morning and see that Mr. lizard has spent the night at the same place, just above the tubelight..

Div> Gosh! He's still here..
Nid> Yea.. he ate with us and slept with us too.. Guess he's jst trying to be friendly! :D
Div> Huh? :D

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April 04

Being liquid

At the sight of water,
her heart wavers,
quite like the waves in the sea,
back and forth,
somewhat like the tides,
high and low,
her muscles quiver,
as the goose flesh appears.

She wets her lips
and breathes in deep,
not moving her eyes
that're stuck to the blues of aqua.
She's tempted to get in,
drench her body,
each and every inch of it,
and smoothen the goose flesh.

She wants to melt her fear
and do away with the salt
that's struggling to come out
from her eyes.
She wants to dissolve the blues
in the blues of it,
she wants to float,
she needs a high...

About the picture: This was clicked by my friend who tried to capture my silhoutte :D and that too with my stupid cameraphone.. umm, I don't even remember where I was looking when he clicked this.. at the water? or at him? I guess I was looking at him.. doesn't look like though! :p I've erased its colors btw.. to give it a more silhouttey look :D

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April 03

It's just a little hug from you

Honey, I didn't ask for much
and I'd not ask for more
It's just a little hug from you
that I love and I adore.

Honey, you won't realize
the amount of difference it makes
It's just a little hug from you
this is all that it takes.

Honey, I know that I talk crap
and bug you sometimes
It's just a little hug from you
that I look for in those times.

Honey, I understand you're busy
and the priority wouldn't be mine
It's just a little hug from you
that'd be perfectly fine.

Honey, it'd be okay
even if you talk to me once a week
It's just a little hug from you
that I need along with a kiss on the cheek.

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...

Am back after spending a weekend in fighting and shooing away the stupid cold.. n it's better now and almost gone.. Thanks to all of you for being there with yr consoling words :)

And while I was home with this stupid cold, I managed to churn out another lovey-dovey one :p Chk out the next post :D

10:42 AM | Add a comment | Permalink | Blog it